Baby, Life Changes, Love, Mom, Motherhood, NYC, SAHM

The Start of the SAHM Life

I have been meaning to write this for almost 8-months now, but every day I say I’m going to do it, the day ends and merely the thought of writing is all that has happened. Such is the life of a newly inducted SAHM (that’s Stay At Home Mom for those of you who don’t know).

I didn’t always think I would be a SAHM right off the bat. I mean, I wanted to be one eventually, after I had all the kids I would have, but right away – meh. Then my Little Roo was born. Really it was even before that moment that I knew I would be beyond 100% satisfied with my life if I stayed home. And did I know it would be hard? Yeah. I had no doubt that when people told me it was one of the hardest jobs they have ever done that they were telling the truth. But to actually experience that personally took that belief to a whole other level.

 

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I’ll be honest – I already don’t remember what my job entailed those first couple months. I was a complete zombie who apparently kept a very happy demeanor (according to my husband, who didn’t tell me that until after, just in case a comment like that made me explode, haha). Once my husband went back to work I was sure I would be able to keep up with my old schedule. I mean, the baby just sleeps 90% of the time, right? Well, all I could ever answer when he would come home asking what I did for the day was. . . “I don’t know”. As along as it wasn’t too negative temperature-wise outside I knew we went for a walk, but the rest of it – well my memory decided to go the way of Dory.

Fortunately for my sanity (that was probably on the brink with the lack of sleep, even if I wasn’t aware of it), we were blessed with a good sleeper who was sleeping through the night by 8-10 weeks. That was at least one really hard part out of the way, but that by no means made the list of hard things smaller. I tried making a schedule, writing down exactly what I wanted to accomplish (I’m a total list person). I pinned everything on fun things I could do with my Roo, and yet I still felt like I was being inadequate as a mother. My job was to stay home, enriching her life but also make the home clean and comfortable for us all – why was this so overwhelming!?

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Almost 8-months have gone by now, and while there are still days I feel completely overwhelmed, desiring to do nothing more than to crawl into my bed and sleep everything away, I wouldn’t trade any of these last months for anything. Being a SAHM is the dream job I didn’t fully realize I wanted but it’s a job I can’t imagine not having and not giving my absolute everything.

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Baby, Birth, Husband, Love, Miracle of Life, Motherhood, NYC

That Moment

Do you believe in love at first sight? That moment when you make contact and the whole world stops. Where a breath is impossible to take – words indescribable in the moment.

I knew I loved you before I met you. I knew we were meant to be before I even knew you existed, and it took only nine minutes to prove my feelings were true. For the second time in my life I was completely, helplessly, madly in love.

Looking at your face I needed to memorize it all in that moment – I didn’t want one detail to slip by. Your nose. Your lips. Your eyes. Your ears – perfection. I needed to touch them each a hundred times and then a hundred times more just to reassure myself that what I saw was real.

Once our eyes met. Big and beautiful, they pulled me in, captured me heart and soul.

Then I saw you in his arms. Stars exploded, worlds collided – there was nothing else in the world that could compare to my two loves. My world was rocked once six years ago, and now it had been jolted again. How did I get so lucky? What had I done to deserve this?

My husband stood before me holding our daughter. It was a moment I had envisioned over and over, imagining how perfect it would be. This man who had enraptured me from day one was standing, smiling, gazing down at this little being, this beautiful little girl we had created. He was perfect. She was perfect. Life, in that moment, was perfect.

My world has been stopped twice and twice I have been completely without air. And words – there aren’t enough to adequately describe these moments. So I just sit silently, letting it overflow my heart and fill up my world.

CP Family

I believe in love at first sight.

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